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  1. IMPORTS

    June 30, 2012 by June:Wow

    imports

    IMPORTS is a bargain, because you get two plays for the price of one. The first is called “Method” and the second is called “Street Lamp Named Desire“.

    I think the description of “Method” on the KLPAC website is misleading at best, and counter-productive at worst. I say this because tells you nothing about the play, and does little to entice you to go watch it. And while we’re on the subject, I also dislike the expression “double bill” because it conjures up images of mutant pelicans.

    Anyway, I personally would have described it thusly:

    “Method”, can best be described as play within a play. Adopting an Inception-esque approach to theatre, writer and director Jude James casts his own girlfriend (Medina Azaldin) to play the girlfriend of writer, Adam (portrayed by the incredibly sexy Thomas Pang). In an increasingly uninspiring world, James showcases the lengths writers will go in search of inspiration; masterfully combining a tale of struggle, sexuality, and love with a Spanish Inquisition of sorts. A must-watch play, featuring imported talent Gonzalo Morquecho, last seen in Hollywood appearing as Antonio Banderas’ butt double.

    Now, isn’t that much better? It’s also entirely true, by the way. But I guess the only way you’ll find out is by either a) watching the play, or b) getting Gonzalo Morquecho and Antonio Bandares together for a butt comparison. Realistically, you’ll probably only get to do one of the two, so go watch the play.

    The second play has a much more accurate description on the website:

    “Street Lamp Named Desire”, written by Thomas Pang and directed by Marvin Wong, tells a modern day fairytale right down to the talking birds. But when the girl of your dreams is about to move out, what’s a doorman to do?

    They had me at “talking birds“. But I have to say that I ended up feeling annoyed. I won’t say I was ‘disappointed’, because it was actually quite refreshing and entertaining at first; but it got really draggy towards the end.

    After the point at which I felt it should have ended, it carried on for another 20 minutes or so. I loved the birds, but the extra time really killed them for me. I think I just wasn’t convinced that they were real anymore. Maybe the actors failed to stay in character or maybe it was just too much of a good thing. I don’t know, maybe you won’t have a problem with it. But me personally, if i’m promised birds, I want to see birds, and for the duration of the play, I want to completely believe that they are birds. So I think dragging it out only served to wake me from my dream – keeping it shorter would have kept the illusion alive.

    Overall, I thought the stories were interesting but the whole thing needed fine tuning. But to be fair, it was preview night. Who knows, by now, they might be presenting a different play altogether. On top of that, I should add that Thomas and Gonzalo are good actors and a joy to watch on stage. For those reasons alone, you should definitely go check it out. I’d love to hear what you think.

    This write up comes a bit late, for reasons i’ve explained, but I still hope you’ll get a chance to watch the play. It’s on at 8.30pm tonight and 3pm tomorrow. Tickets are only RM28!

    Category Social, Thoughts | Tags: ,,,,,, | No Comments

  2. Apologies to Thomas.

    by June:Wow

    I’m a shitty friend.

    I’m a shitty friend because I promised my friend Thomas Pang I would write about his new play “IMPORTS” after I watched it on preview night, and I haven’t (until now, that is).

    Thomas and I.

    The reasons for this are irrelevant because the fact that I haven’t (until now, that is) means that I am a shitty friend, especially since the play closes tomorrow. But i’m going to outline those reasons anyway, just for good measure. Not because I am trying to explain myself or anything. I’m a shitty friend, make no mistake about that.

    Reasons why I didn’t write about Thom’s play after I watched it on Wednesday, 20th June 2012:

    1) Instead of going home, sitting my ass down and writing a review, I decided to go and have Indomie Burger with a friend. I thought this would help me gather my thoughts on the play but instead it simply helped me put into perspective why I like Indomie Burger so much*.

    *I love the confusion brought about by the name and the surprise element that follows. People who have never tried it often assume it’s a burger and a disgusting burger at that, so they turn it down the same way one might turn down shit on toast. But it’s lovely! (Indomie burger, not shit on toast.)

    2) The next day, when I should have sat my ass down and written the review, I was faced with the great misfortune of having to celebrate my birthday. While I share the view that being expelled from a birth canal is not exactly an achievement and therefore does not warrant any celebration, let alone big ones; many of my friends do not. They are full of love and want to do nice things for me, which I fully appreciate, and love them for. But you can see how they were contributorily negligent here. (bastards)

    3) And then came Friday, when I did sit my ass down, but instead of being a good friend and writing that damn review, I spent all day preparing for an important meeting I was attending in Bangkok over the weekend. I’ve just recently taken a new job with the South East Asian Media Legal Defence, you see. So I was just reading updates on cases so I wouldn’t look like a complete idiot. (Fat load of good that did. At dinner on Sunday, I tripped on the deck of a fancy restaurant on the Chao Phraya and fell on my face in front of serious law folk and funders.)

    4) Of course, I was in touch with Thom during this time, assuring him I would eventually make time to write this review. But I was a shitty friend, and instead of sitting down write, I decided to spend all my money in various malls buying things I didn’t need.

    Including this ring with a five headed rat wielding a sword on it...

    ...and this awesome top of an octopus and a moose having tea with anthropomorphised tea paraphernalia.

    But my friend Dill had flown into Bangkok especially for the shopping. She just got married, and they didn’t have a honeymoon because her husband had to start a new job right after the wedding, so this was her honeymoon of sorts. I felt torn between two lovers (Thom and Dill, not Dill and her husband), and it was not an easy decision to make, Thom. I hope you know that I still care about you, as well as our 18 children.

    5) I eventually got back to KL late Wednesday night, and worked all Thursday. Then it was Family Friday (which happens once every year when Venus and the Sun are perfectly aligned) so I had to go do family stuff and bake cookies the next morning.

    So I hope that explains why it’s taken me so long to write this. I know it probably won’t do much by way of promotion for the play, but when things are out on the internet, they’re there forever. I hope immortalizing Thom and his play on this credible website of contemporary literary fireworks will be of some consolation. <3

    Category Social, The things we do | Tags: ,,,,,, | 2 Comments

  3. Peace

    August 1, 2011 by June:Wow

    Does this look like public disorder to you?

    Category Corruption, Crime, Malaysian Politics, Police, Social, The things we do | Tags: | No Comments

  4. Sending Love to Sendai

    April 22, 2011 by June:Wow

    I’m currently planning an event to raise money for Tsunami victims in Japan. My friend Colin visited the affected areas just before the Tsunami hit and took some beautiful shots of the place. We’ll be hosting an exhibition on 15th May 2011 at Pusat Rakyat LoyarBurok to sell the photos – all proceeds will go to Japan Red Cross. Apart from photos, there will also be live music, food, and a host of other exciting activities including a lucky draw where you can win some totally awesome prizes! I hope you will join us in supporting a good cause and have fun at the same time.

    If you’d like to volunteer to help out, send an email tojunewow [at] gmail [dot] com .

    It’s all very exciting, and coming together nicely. I’ll post more details soon, so watch this space!

    Category Japan, Red Cross, Sending Love To Sendai, Social, The things we do | Tags: | No Comments

  5. “The Ruler” or “What i’ve been up to”

    December 1, 2010 by June:Wow

    ruler

    I can’t believe it’s December already. Due to an unexpected treat, I am staying at the Westin all week. It’s lovely – feels like i’m on holiday, even though i’m actually still in town. Jalan Bukit Bintang looks very different from my window – there’s a big tree outside the Marriot, and its branches sway gently in the wind amidst the sound of sirens, making the whole scene look as if someone down there is walking with a giant bunch of green balloons, concealing drugs amidst them, while the police go a hunting.

    I was thinking the other day that I haven’t really spent much time in this part of town, even though I live only 10-15 minutes away. I guess this is a nice little catch up.

    In between the last time I wrote (3 months ago) and now, I have been busy with the following:

    1) Falling in love.
    2) Rehearsing for a new play.
    3) Writing various things/robbing old ladies for money.
    4) Dissecting wombats.

    Falling in love in particular takes up a lot of time, but is a truly rewarding experience, as you can imagine. Of course, I understand that some may not be able to – I have recently discovered this breed of people who are incapable of falling in love. No, seriously. They think they can, but they really can’t and this is evident through their interaction with other people/waiters. It’s a very sad state to be in, and talking to them is similar to being in a hospital and hanging around people who are about to die because maggots are eating their insides.

    You know what else takes up a lot of time? Rehearsing for a play.

    Actually, it’s a pantomime. But don’t bother googling it, as you won’t find any reviews. I haven’t bothered writing my own review of the show, partly because it doesn’t seem like the right thing to do, partly because it would be quite harsh, and mostly because I don’t write reviews.

    But I will tell you the good bits. It’s been an interesting experience, the cast members are all a lot of fun, and really nice. I think for the most part, we’re doing a good job in our respective roles and you should come check it out as it is quite good fun for a night out. Unless you want to watch something serious, in which case, you should not come, as you would not be any fun as a member of the audience anyway. Pantos depend a lot on audience participation, so it’s a lively affair with funny faces, singing and dancing.

    The show coincides with some other shows, so you might be sitting there wondering which to spend your money on. I would put this down to bad/no planning on the part of the organisers. Given that we are competing against a lot of other shows, there should have also been more publicity, especially this week, but I don’t see my face on a bus/building, so it is obvious they have failed in this respect as well. (Just kidding. Maybe.)

    So come and watch the show already, the run ends on the 5th of December. In any event, there’s always alcohol before, during, and afterwards. What’ve you got to lose?

    More info and some photos.

    Category Social | Tags: | No Comments

  6. You are all full of shit and you should be ashamed of yourselves.

    August 1, 2010 by June:Wow

    gp

    At the end of Jom Ke Chow Kit! last night, four friends were dancing in a parking lot across the street to music that was still blaring from the carnival. It was raining, but that didn’t stop them. They boogey-d till it looked a bit too silly and then drove home.

    Were you at the carnival?

    If you weren’t, you missed out on beautiful fairy lights, good vibes, face painting, dancing people, great performances, and (more importantly) free sex enhancing merchandise from Durex. Confucius say, never pass up an opportunity to enhance free sex at no cost.

    The carnival was endorsed by the Ministry of Health (who also had a booth there). It was designed to be educational and inspirational. Some of the carnival goers looked thrilled that something was going on apart from the usual shit in Chow Kit. They waited eagerly to have their faces painted, cheered whenever performers went on stage (one of the best audiences I’ve ever encountered), and made it a point to have fun despite the rain which refused to stop.

    The police earlier contributed by arresting 40 carnival goers before the event even began. I don’t know why they were arrested, maybe the police wanted to arrest something other than their development for a change (oh, hang on. Maybe not.) but it does mean that the people who were arrested missed out on a lot of things.

    It means that if they were sex workers who were unaware they had AIDS, they didn’t get to do a free screening, and are probably going to continue spreading it to their clients. That in turn means we’re all going to get AIDS sooner or later. A lovely prospect.

    If they were hard core drug addicts, it means they missed out on a chance to learn about what the drugs are doing to them, where they can get help, etc. And that in turn means they’re just going to rot away, resorting to crime in times of desperation that will affect all of us.

    If they weren’t doing anything other than simply just trying to have a good time to escape the confines of everyday life, then they were deprived of that as well.

    Such behaviour by the police is not unusual, but its continued presence is unacceptable because it is clearly not a positive contribution to society. I’m sure a lot of effort was invested into putting together a carnival of that sort and it is sad that those who could have benefitted most from the carnival did not.

    Remember this when you’re writing the next big report on why drug abuse, AIDS, depression etc is on the rise. Remember this on your way home to your beautiful suburb and your false sense of security. Remember this the next time you watch a bullshit ad (paid for by you) like this:

    In life, there are those who are dealt cards that leave them at the mercy of others. It is the duty of a lover to help these people and not be fooled by haters masquerading as lovers.

    If you’re not a lover, then you’re a hater. There is no middle ground. In a situation like this, apathy will only leave you vulnerable to hating when things fuck up in your own life and when that happens, you will be miserable, so I would urge you to be a lover because you owe it to yourself not to be miserable.

    It continues to rain in Chow Kit everyday in more ways than one. I hope there comes a day where every one of us is able to go there, get wet and have fun without fear.

    Category Police, Social, The things we do | Tags: | No Comments

  7. Trip to town

    June 14, 2010 by June:Wow

    Every time I go to town on my own, I am reminded of why I don’t go to town on my own.

    It’s filthy, it’s full of tourists, and I spend half the time worrying about my bag.

    But you know what, us humans are still around today to pollute the earth (how fucked up is that oil spill, huh? Hug your mom today), act touristy, and mug others because over the centuries, we have learnt to adapt to our surroundings.

    Today I went to town on my own as a tourist. I was dressed like one, took the LRT, made a point of taking lots of pictures, being surprised at the state of the traffic, looking at a map of Klang, and all the while wearing a touristy expression.

    One expression was a bit hard to maintain, so I switched between “This is such a new and foreign land I love it and want to take as many photos as humanly possible” and “I hate the world, I got so pissed last night, don’t fucking look at me you Malaysian bastard” and “Where is the brothel, I wish I were in Thailand”.

    And would you believe, I actually felt safer and more comfortable than i’ve ever felt before on a trip to town.

    It’s all in the head. Pretending to be unaware of the crime rate will make you feel safer, and acting like a tourist will ward off the snatch thieves. Not because snatch thieves don’t target tourists, but because snatch thieves don’t target fake tourists. They know that you know they’re about, and the fact that you have come to town prepared means they are better off mugging an old granny or a real tourist.

    So adapt, and fear nothing.

    Category Crime, Social | Tags: | No Comments

  8. Socially Awkward Sue: Sumo Suits

    May 22, 2010 by June:Wow

    Most of us have been in situations where there are other people in the room with massive egos. In fact, people like that are described as “egotistical” which, when repeated rapidly, sounds like “egotesticle”, which in turn gives you an indication of the region of the male anatomy that best resembles them.

    Egotesticles are also described as having “an inflated sense of self”. Whenever someone uses that expression, I imagine them looking like people in inflatable sumo suits. You know, the ones you get two of at christmas so that you and a mate can run at each other in the garden. Like these guys:

    If you get lots of people with an inflated sense of self together in a room, you can expect the conversation to go nowhere because they are taking up all the space. They are getting bigger and bigger with each meaningless statement that comes out of their mouths. Bobbing at each other in whatever little space is left.

    So what if you’re not like that, but you’re in a room with Sumo Suit? Well, here are your options:

    1) You could be a prick and reduce them to a shrivelled up mess. This option is only safe if you are acting in self-defence. If you are out to offend, you cannot use this because it will mean you are also a Suit, and just as vulnerable. Very fine line between being a Suit and being a prick whose only objective is to get rid of the Suit. If you’re new to what I call “Suit Deterrents”, you may want to exhaust the other options first.

    2) You could blow them away. This technique works in two ways:

    i. Some guys are Suits because they know that some women are attracted to Suits and so they Suit up so you blow them. This type of blowing means you are blowing them away with your oral skills and also makes you a bit of a Suit because what you’re really doing is using skills you know have to get a guy you know you can get with said skills. It is one of the many ways one can be a Suit. But if you enjoy it, Suit yourself.

    ii) Blowing them away with your honesty and kindness does not work. Suits do not want kindness. If they see kindness, they see a victim. They see someone who will worship them and be at their beck and call. The only way to be kind to a Suit is to be kind and then bugger off pronto. There is no other way. Most of the time when we are kind, we are attracting people to us. You do not want to attract a Suit. It will bob over, push you into a corner, and then you will be at its mercy.

    How you react to a suit at first instance will dictate the rest of your life for as long as the Suit shall live. So be very careful the next time you meet a Suit.

    Category Social, Socially Awkward Sue, The things we do | Tags: | 1 Comment

  9. Socially Awkward Sue: On Groups

    May 3, 2010 by June:Wow

    I struggle with a lot of things. Mathematics, Keynesian theory (ok, this is a lie, I don’t actually know what that means, but if I did, I’m sure I’d struggle with it), technology, fitting into stomach-holding-in panties, fitting into lacy stockings without ripping them, making custard that is the right consistency, consistency in general…

    But one of the things I struggle with the most is socialising in groups. No, that doesn’t sound right. It sounds as if I’ve got various groups of people on call and I gather them up and we go off to socialise. That’s not what I mean at all.

    What I mean, is when I have to socialise with other people, and there is a group of us. No, that doesn’t sound right either. That sounds like there are a few other individuals like me who have to go and socialise with other people, thus making us a group. If that were the case, we’d at least have something in common, and so that is not what I mean either.

    So, third attempt at what I mean – what I mean is when there are other people….shit.

    Ok , lets try again. WHAT I MEAN TO SAY…. is when there are a certain number of people in a certain place, none of whom I know, and most of whom know each other, and I have to go and sort of …mingle.

    Phew. Ok, so it would appear that I also struggle with articulation.

    I don’t have a problem with cliques. Ok, that’s a lie as well, I hate cliques. But seriously, I don’t have a problem with cliques behaving …clique-ishly. If a clique stuck to what it was supposed to do, i.e. hang around members of said clique, uninterested in meeting new/other people, we would get through life alright.

    But there are some cliques who are always on the lookout for more members. And before you say I’m being harsh, these are not the sort of people who are interested in socialising in the “lets all get together and love one another even though you don’t wear Prada” sort of way. These are the sort of people who look out for members to recruit so they can expand their clique. They see a quality in you they think would make the clique look good, and they want to recruit you, notwithstanding your shortcomings, believing that, in time, you will be converted, and also bring a little something new to the group, so you can all go out in a GROUP believing yourselves to be better than everybody else (That’s the exact same approach that big companies take, so if you work in one, you need to get the hell out of there – unless you enjoy it, of course. Hey, I’m all about freedom of choice, and freedom of judgment, so I’m also gonna say you’re an idiot if you’re enjoying it.)

    So I have been in situations where I’ve had to entertain cliques like these. Needless to say, we did not …click.

    Now, i’ve always believed that there is no point moaning about something and not doing anything about it, so here are some topics of conversations that I have thought of for the next time I am in a situation of the clique variety:

    1) (Starting with something light) I might discuss whether rabbits count sheep when they are unable to sleep.

    2) Or whether female cows crave chocolate when they are PMS-ing/post break ups.

    3) (And once they warm to me a little bit) Why Neil Armstrong didn’t take a bite when he was up there to find out whether the moon was actually made of cheese. And whether this was a massive waste of NASA’s time sending him up there seeing as all he did was have his photo taken and stick a flag on the moon (the very fact that he was able to do this gives us an indication of the composition of the moon. A very simple experiment we can conduct to show that Neil Armstrong is a jackass and that the moon is made of cheese is as follows: Is it possible to stick a toothpick into a block of cheese, and if it is, will the toothpick stay in place? If the answer is yes, then in all likelihood the moon would be made of cheese, and that in turn means that Neil Armstrong should have packed some crackers).

    4) (Moving on to the animal kingdom) Whether it would take the same amount of time as the gestation period of an Elephant for a plastic chair wrapped in plastic to disintegrate, adding that the gestation period of an Elephant is the longest of any mammal (645days), comparing that to other animals such as the cat, whose gestation period is 58-65 days. And if they enquire further I might mention the Wapiti Elk who takes 240-250 days.

    5) (And of course, a brain teaser – a friend of mine thought this one up) If the taxi meter keeps running from the moment you get on, indicating how much you have to pay based on how far you have gone forward, if the cabby drives in reverse in order to get to the destination, does that mean he would have to pay you? And if so, could we not fight for that as a choice in terms of method of arrival to destination?

    Well, there you have it. If that doesn’t solve my problem with groups, I don’t know what will. Feel free to try some of those topics the next time you encounter a similar problem.

    Category Social, Socially Awkward Sue | Tags: | No Comments